Mom's who don't do anything

The other day I stayed home with my three year old. Everyone else headed out to a birthday celebration while my son battled an unpleasant virus that morphed into a double ear infection. He was mellow, but talkative.


Somehow, our conversation turned to the "Pirates who don't do Anything." He sang with gusto in his sweet, congested voice. Then we sang about the "boys who don't do anything."

And, I had to laugh when he suggested the "Moms who don't do anything." Yeah, right. But, isn't that the typical answer?


So, what do you do? Um, nothing, just a mom.

And the song was born . . .

(hum along as you read)

Well I've never changed a diaper
and I've never cooked at lunchtime
and I've never graded homework
all while nursing baby, too.

And I've never settled squabbles
and I've never modeled manners
and I've never jumped in leaves in the fall.

Chorus:
'Cuz we're the moms who don't do anything
just eat bon bons and watch the Soaps
If you ask us to do anything,
Then we'll tell you, "We don't do anything."


Oh, I've never managed schedules
and I've never answered phone calls
and I've never planned a menu
'cuz I never work at all.

And I've never tied a shoelace, found lost mittens,
brushed the knots out
'cuz I never lift a finger all day long.

(chorus)

Well I've never ironed dresses
and I've never cleaned the bed sheets
and I've never scrubbed vomit from the carpeting at night

And I've never matched an outfit
and I've never kissed an ouchie
and I've never rocked a baby with a cold.

(chorus)

Well I've never planned an outing
and I've never built a fort
and I've never read a story for the 18th time that day.

And I've never balanced checkbooks
and I've never washed the windows
and I've never cleaned up footprints off the wall.

(chorus)


Completely the opposite of the real story, but fun to write. Do you have any verses to add?

Amazing all the stuff we might encounter in a typical day of "nothing."