. . . time alone

Perhaps the greatest need, the most neglected, and the hardest to come by as parents -- time alone together.

For many years it was caught in savored moments after we worked to get the kids in bed, kissed each cheek, filled each sippy cup with water, and checked the closets for monsters while leaving the perfect balance of light and dark in each room. Then, we could pretend we were alone. Watch a movie that was not a cartoon, sit up on the couch and talk, play an 8 and up board game, or turn in a little early ourselves.

In more recent years we have enjoyed more regular date nights. Our kids are old enough to leave at home alone, so we try to enjoy dinner out now and then, or an extended walk around the neighborhood. We've also recently designated one night a week that we head to our room early and just talk. However, not until our recent vacation alone together did I realize that we needed time alone away together for more than just an hour or two.

Honestly, this was our first week away without any family since our honeymoon, I think. We did go to Maui for our 15th anniversary, but ended up spending part of that trip with family as well. Which was great also, but still not quite the same thing. 

Something happened about the third day of this nine day time away together. I don't really know how to explain it, but we just settled back into each other in a way that we had not in a long time.

Maybe it's what falling in love felt like -- 
- opening my eyes to things I had ignored for so long
     -  feeling perfectly comfortable together through silence or sweet conversations
          - seeing his sense of humor sparkle and dance
                - appreciating the strengths of my husband that daily life blurred
                    - conversation filled with double innuendos
                         - simply not being able to get enough of each other
                              -  laughing together over inside jokes

It was absolutely wonderful. So amazing, that I cannot stress enough how important it is to do that now and then, more than once every 25 years! I don't know that we can make that happen every year, but we will for sure work it in again within the next few years.

Now, we do have an amazing blessing of grandparents willing to do the hard work of babysitting our houseful. If you don't have that, I would still encourage you to find a way to do this even if it only works out for a long weekend. Find another couple to swap kids with, farm out your kids to various other houses, figure out something you can cut in your budget to hire someone to watch your kids. You don't need to go far or anywhere expensive to enjoy the treasure of time alone.

If I had known the value of the boost this would bring to our relationship I would have worked to sacrifice a lot more long ago to shore up our marriage in this way. Next years' budget will definitely include a line for "next time."