25 years
They were not all beautiful, not all memorable, but they all formed another step that brought us where we find ourselves today and made us into the couple we are. For that I am unbelievably grateful.
In the past I would at times read people's anniversary posts, "Love you so much more than the day we got married . . ." yada, yada, yada.
I could not really relate. (please don't leave me hanging here). Not that I was less in love, but I was more confused about what love was, and I didn't feel more love. Maybe more thankful, or more committed, but not sure about the more "in love" part.
Please don't misunderstand this. Our marriage was good. It was solid. But, I continue to discover what makes a good marriage a great one.
This year I went down an interesting journey to define love. I don't know that I have my final definition yet, but I'm getting there.
- It's a choice.
- It's being kind when they don't deserve it and expecting nothing in return. (taken from Wife of Noble Character)
- It must be fresh each day.
But, those things are the same kind of love I should show any one of my fellow humans, especially family members, but what is different about marriage love?
I decided to dig out my vows and see if my 20 year old self had something to say that I had forgotten.
We peppered our vows with Scripture readings. I loved it, and still do. So thankful that from the beginning our marriage grew out of Scripture -- philosophically, symbolically, and verbally.
Here is a transcript of my vows:
Genesis 2:18-24
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed
every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man
to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature,
that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky,
and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept;
then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man,
and brought her to the man. 23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
From the beginning of time, God designed woman as a helper to man, an intimate companion. I, Erin, covenant to you, Charles, before our friends and family that with God's help I will do my best to be the helper and friend God intended for you.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
but rejoices with the truth; 7 [a]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of [b]prophecy, they will be done away;
if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
I know my love will not be as perfect as this love, but each of these qualities are my goals in loving you. As we grow together and toward God I pray that it will be clearer and clearer that I love you with patience, kindness, and selflessness.
Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church,
He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ,
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Proverbs 31:10-31
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
Charles, I pray that from now, through the years to come, until death separates us temporarily, that I will be a submissive wife. I will be to you an encourager, a supporter, a friend, and one who respects you. I will love you and be your constant friend and companion through both the very good and the very hard times. Whether money is tight, or we have plenty to put towards savings. I will be here for you to cry on and to laugh with. I will always love you and be faithful to you and our marriage.
With this ring I promise to stand by the commitment I have made before God, you and our friends here today.
Those vows still stand. Thankful for God's faithfulness to us all these years.
And, what struck me as I read through this yet again . . . Marriage love is to be the purest, fullest love that can exist between
humans. It is more intimate than any other love. And, amazingly, it
grows through hard times. In the midst of a trial it might seem to
flicker a bit, but then it roars back with even greater intensity.
Still much to learn as a wife. Wonder what the next 25 years will teach me. Praying for another 25 years of beautiful, messy, committed, growing love that we will both be the better for.
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