Funny how we judge ourselves so harshly. Held to some impossibly high standard that would topple even the most perfect. Elizabeth faithfully followed God, but yet grappled with the barrenness of her womb. I know some modern day Elizabeths. She was not made great because she gave birth to John the Baptist, it was just one way that God honored her faithfulness.
I've wrestled with that though. So many godly friends and family members that muddle through never ending infertility. Yet, children are a blessing, so why doesn't God bless them? He has blessed me in that way, and I feel so undeserving, sometimes guilty as I talk to those that He has not blessed in that way.
In that way.
"That" way varies from season to season. Sometimes I see only the material blessings in people's lives, while mine lacks that. Sometimes I view only someone's new baby while we pray for another. Sometimes I lock in on the success of ministry for others while I turn down another serving opportunity because of sick children. Sometimes I fixate on another family's godly children while I suit up for the same battle of disciplining our strong-willed child. Rather than see the blessings, I see the lumps in the clay where God continues to shape me.
That's they key. We see a blessing withheld, but He has merely poured out elsewhere.
He took away her shame, but He had not put it there.
The shame we bring on ourselves. I've done it, often. Stumbling under the weight of unmet expectations and unrealized goals. Goals that I thought I needed to reach to prove my worth, spiritual or otherwise.
Once again, God wiped my worry and self-doubt clean today using this beautiful devotional blog that I've started following recently, Love God Greatly.
Instead of seeing my weakness as a downfall, I can see it as a trademark that God is at work. Just as they said about Elizabeth, "Nothing is impossible with God." It takes my human shortcomings to allow His glory to shine through and His clear work of redemption and transformation to get the credit.
His plan for my life continues, not what I thought it would be 20 years ago or even 10 years ago, and yet uniquely mine, a masterpiece crafted with good works, His, not mine.
As I cherished this renewed perspective today, I received an email that pressed deeper His message for me today -- the simple daily following of my Savior as a wife and mom, that is my highest call right now. Regarding our oldest son the email said, "He is such a committed volunteer in our ministry and his skill set at his age is off the charts."
Words a mother needs to hear now and then to remind me of the blessings as I'm distracted while I look for God to bless me in "that" way.
What blessings are you missing that God has already poured out?
Praying we all open our eyes a little wider to God already at work.